Pre-meeting paralysis

March 6, 2010

Here at Pink Sky, we often like to offer little pearls of…  Well, not ‘wisdom’ as such (we should not profess to be be in great possession of that), but, perhaps, ‘experience’.  Experience, whether good or bad, teaches us many things.  As a child, experience teaches you that no matter how much you pulverise your sprouts with the back of your fork and try to make them somehow blend in with your plate, your Mum will always know that you have not eaten them and thus there will be no pudding.  Experience teaches us, as an awkward teenager, that whilst you are watching a film with your parents and the inevitable happens (two people angle towards a bed), it is the perfect time to have a sudden bout of dehydration and have to get a drink, remember something of vital importance that you had to say to the cat, or empty your bladder.

As adults, experience doesn’t get any easier.  Things are still sent to try us and make us feel terribly uncomfortable.  For me, one of these moments occurs when you sit down in a meeting with somebody.  It is that brief synapse that occurs between ‘arrival’ and ‘start of meeting’.  It is the moment when you inexplicably querey ridiculous notions such as “how was the traffic?”  and then realise that they have been sitting at their desk since nine o’clock and walked twelve feet to a table to meet you.  It is in fact you, who has travelled by car and who knows full well that there was no traffic at all, but that somewhere in your sub-conscience this has been prepared as an excuse, should you have been late.

What do you say in those brief moments of greeting once the hello and handshake have been exchanged and before the meeting starts?  What is appropriate to ask?  Experience tells me, that you should generally avoid questions or statements of a personal nature.  Avoid relationships, medical conditions, politics and religion.  For example, when somebody informs you that they have a very slight headache, it is probably not an appropriate time to go into the minutiae of your bunyons by way of nervous response.

Safe British subjects:

• The weather
• Tea or coffee (this can be proffered as a gift)
• Business – be careful with this one… It can only be used as a question in their direction i.e. “how is business?”  Do not say “I hope business is booming” in case it is not, or unless it shouldn’t be (undertakers, paramedics, for example).  Also, do not talk about how busy you are and how many times this week you have been party to the dawn chorus at 5am, as this simply says “I don’t have time for you”.  If they ask, just say “things are going well thank you, we have lots on but it is good”.

The next dilemma is how you can possibly veer away from the unusual quantity of hailstones that you have experienced of late and progress on to the beautiful piece of branding that you intend to create for them.  There is no easy way to do this.  The usual adjoining phrases consist of something like “SO…..”, “Anyway *insert name*……”, or an awkward silence where you are overwhelmed by the imminent urge to giggle.  Usually this can be resolved by taking an unnecessary apparent interest in an unusually ugly painting of a horse, which will always be positioned to your right, above your head, incidentally, if you find yourself in this quandary.

It doesn’t matter how you break the silence, it will always sound rude.  Without fail.  Just grit your teeth and get through it.  It will not last long.  The minute you hear the absolvent “yesyesyes” (a new word I believe), or “Yahyahyah” (if they have ideas above their station) from the client, you know you are safe.  Congratulations.  You have passed this hurdle.